Thank God for Little Girls

This morning found me curled over on my knees in the middle of my living room floor crying the ugly cry.  You know, the cry that makes you feel and sound like you have a cold for the rest of the day.  It rails through your entire body, as if someone is literally twisting your soul back and forth, wringing you out to dry.  God, I can't do this.  I can't keep fighting.  I give it up.  TAKE THIS FROM ME.

As I've been stung by my latest and greatest heart break, I've been clinging to my Jesus with a kind of desperation I haven't felt in years.  He may not be able to hold me, stroke my hair, or kiss the top of my head like a human comfort can, but ultimately He can do so much more.

I don't want another bandaid.  I want a heart transplant.  I'm praying begging Psalms 51:10 "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." I'm determined not to allow this bitterness to ruin my heart.  I want to heal.  I want to be able to love and trust again... someday.

And so, I keep thinking, "What would I want Cadence or Abbey to learn from this pain?"  If, God forbid, my precious nieces ever have their hearts broken or their dreams dashed, what would I hope for them?

I would hope they understood that their value is never determined by man, but rests in God alone.

I would hope they recognized that they are truly ADORED by Him.  He delights in them just as they are.

I would hope they learned its okay to dream again.

I would hope they believed that Jesus not only longs to soothe them, but it brings Him joy when His children seek Him for comfort.

I would hope they surrendered completely.

God, help me to do the same.

P.S. For the record, let this be a formal warning to any man, woman, or child who ever attempts to break the hearts of my nieces (or nephew): I will find you.  And it won't be pretty.


Carol J. Brown said…
Natalie, you are just as important as your nieces and nephew. Use that same determination that you have to protect them to work on healing your own heart and allow yourself to move forward into a beautiful future.

Love, Aunt Carol
Vanessa's Dad said…
For everything there is a season, and a time for everything under heaven:
A time to be born, a time to die...
A time to weep, a time to cry, a time to mourn and a time to dance...
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2,4

Thank you Heavenly Father for providing the Comforter. Thanks for being a God who never leaves us. Thank you for creating earthly fathers, who know and weep with their daughters, as well as celebrate and sing... all in due season.

Kendra said…

Since you are such a hands-on Aunt, you get this. So much of my relationship with Christ has changed since I've become a mother. What would I want for them???