Knock Knock.

That's the sound of opportunity. But is it the right one?

Dear Natalie,
I just had a meeting with Susana Ghio, Recruiting Specialist for Salem-Keizer. She let me know that on 1/31/09 they will be hiring bilingual teachers on site, meaning that you would be interviewed that very day and receive a letter of intent. (You wouldn’t have to accept the job, but you would have their promise of an offer.)

Mucha suerte,
Karie Mize (Bilingual Program Coordinator)

You're probably wondering: "What is this?" So am I. I had to re-read it several times just to make sure I was reading it correctly. Here's the gist: I will be graduating in June with my teaching license and a bilingual endorsement that allows me to teach English Language Learners. Basically, I'm going to be a hot commodity. The schools are so desperate for teachers with these qualifications, they are doing everything they can to get us to work for them. Including, apparently, hiring us MONTHS before we even have our official license. Of course I would not start teaching until the following year, but I would be guaranteed a position.

To sum it up: I'd be graduating with a job already lined up. No, not a job. A career.

I should be ecstatic, right? Isn't this the very position so many college graduates wish they were in? So why am I feeling so panicked?

I've marinated on these questions for awhile and have come to the following conclusion:

I'm not ready to grow up.

I want to, no, I NEED to travel. And not just vacation-type-traveling. Real-life-experience-traveling. I need to see what is going on in the world RIGHT NOW. What are people doing? How are they living their lives? And in what kinds of conditions? I need to be connected. I need to be a part of it. I need to be in the MIDDLE of it. I just need to.

I've felt called to missions since I was 11 years old and attending my very first Mexico Mission Trip with Judson Baptist Church (side note: wow, was I really just 11 years old?!??!). I have a heart for human injustices and I can't just passively send my support. I need to be RIGHT THERE, doing something, helping people, LOVING people. And if I start teaching, I'm afraid my traveling needs (yes, they are needs, not wants) will be put on a back burner where they will eventually fizzle out and die... only to resurface again once I'm too consumed with grown-up life to take off and meet them.

Okay so, I've got it all figured out then, right? I'll just travel for a while and then come back and settle into my career. WRONG. No matter how hard I try, I just can't mute the blaring sounds of the $30,000+ in debt I've accumulated while earning said college-degree-that-will-make-me-exactly-the-kind-of-hot-commodity-most-people-wish-they-could-be-but-I'm-no- sure-I'm-ready-for. Oh, God will provide, you say? Well yes, I trust in Him. But I'm also fairly certain He calls us to be responsible and not test Him. And running away from my debt, though for honorable reasons, still seems a bit too much like testing Him for my liking.

So what do I do? (besides pray like it's going out of style?) Any suggestions? Insights? ANSWERS?!