interview panic

Seeing as how I should have been at school 2 and a half hours ago, I'm not going to spend very much time writing this. I just feel like it's been too long since I updated and I have far too many thoughts and worries swirling around in my head... I need an outlet.

Today I have a huge interview with the Salem-Keizer School District. All I know is that I will not be the only interviewee (group interview, fantastic), there will be more than one interviewer (a whole panel of them, actually), and the questions will alternate between English and Spanish (a bilingual interview).

My application is complete, my resume is the best I could make it, my references are strong, and I have a "power suit." So why do I feel so unprepared?

I feel like everyone else in my life is more confident about my abilities to "wow" them and get a great job than I am.

I'm nervous about my Spanish. I debated writing out a few sample answers and memorizing them, in hopes I would be asked questions similar enough that I could use them. But then I realized, that is ludicrous. If they hire me as a "bilingual" teacher, it should be based off of MY Spanish speaking abilities, not my research and memorization skills. I want them to see what I can really do (or can't, in which case they hopefully won't place me in a position I'm unqualified for).

I'm nervous because I have no idea what this interview setting is going to be like. I've never been a part of an interview quite like this, and the fear of the unknown is really getting to me.

Speaking of unknowns, my life is currently FILLED with them.

But what I think I really realized last night was that I'm even more nervous that they will love me. That they will give me a fantastic job at a dream school teaching a whole group of bright eyed students.

You see, I am terrified to graduate. Much like a prisoner who is about to be granted freedom after years and years of containment, I'm afraid of the world outside of school. I've been in school for 17 years. And I'm good at it. No, I'm not saying I'm smart. I'm just good at school. It's the one thing in life I've always known I was good at.

Yes, school can be stressful. Homework, difficult professors, midterms, finals, yadda yadda. But where else in life are you handed a syllabus that outlines your daily routines for the next few months? You have textbooks, study guides, online articles, and professors all GIVING you the answers, so long as you take the time to learn them. You may be accruing a tremendous amount of debt ($21,000 in my case), but you don't have to worry about paying any of it off yet. I even tried to avoid "graduation" by applying for another two years of school somewhere else.

As long as you are in school, your life is pretty figured out.

It's life after school that I have no clue about.

Needless to say, if you read this before 4 pm today (Thursday), please send some prayers my way. I promise I will feel them and soak them up through every pore of my body.


Amanda said…
There is no question how school provides safety and security and purpose, etc. And it's exciting while you are IN school to think about all the options you will have when you graduate and the possibilites and how school will prepare you and all and yada yada yada. It's another thing to be faced with the end of school and the graduation and all that and suddenly be expected to "make something of yourself" and "put all that hard earned education and degree to work". That can be overwhelming and takes all the dreaminess out of the of the future.
Your interview does sound out of the norm. This will sound corny, but remember, all interviews are good practice. Even if you don't get this position, it will be good practice for you for another group interview situation and/or a bilingual interview.

Praying for confidence at 4pm and that's things go the way God has intended them to go. You'll be great!
"M" said…

Can I just say that we are sooooo alike.

I am so scared for graduation not knowing what I am going to do next year. I know that I can live at Mom and Dad's but I want more than to be jobless and living at home!

I worry too that I am not prepared to be a "real" teacher. Holly and my mentors say that I am more than ready. But the thought of having to set up my own classroom, deal with a whole class of students, and worrying about parents all on my own turns my stomach every time.

I was praying for you this afternoon and I hope that it was amazing.

Vanessa's Dad said…
This sounds a lot like how you approached every final exam in school ("I'm SO unprepared. I'm afraid I'm gonna flunk...Really!") And, then you would end up Acing the exam.

I don't know what the interview results will be, 'cause there's probably lots of competition. But, I know you did great. And the Creator of the Universe is looking out for you, Kid.