Allow me to spill my heart out...
It's so strange the way relationships cause us to meld our lives so completely with another - to the point where they almost seem like family, sometimes even like another extension of our very self - only to have them end in such a traumatic cut off. In some ways, it's like a death; that person you used to spend your time and share your heart with is no longer around and you are left with the most gut-wrenching hollowness.
But unlike death, which brings with it a certain degree of finality (at least in the earthly sense, thank God for Heaven), when a relationship ends both people still live. Or at least they try to.
Perhaps this is what makes the concept of "closure" seem so absurd to me. How can you gain closure from something that never really goes away? Is this why we are so desperate to replace the pain with a new obsession? Do we feel that by filling our heart voids with someone new, we can effectively and satisfactorily close out the ex lover because our heart is too full...their place has been taken... there is no room for the past anymore?
I don't believe that for a second.
I think we are made to love too intensely to simply "move on." I think this is why Scripture calls us to guard our hearts so preciously - because God knew. He knew we would love fiercely, as we attempted to act out and make sense of the deep love He has for us. And He knew that because of our humanness, we would not always be successful in these endeavors. Sometimes we would let down our guard too quickly, welcoming another in too deeply, into a space in our hearts that will be forever changed by that love - good, bad, or otherwise.
It's a delicate balance between loving others as Christ loves - selflessly and compassionately - and guarding our tender hearts. I clearly haven't learned how to do it right just yet. But I'm sure as heck trying.
But unlike death, which brings with it a certain degree of finality (at least in the earthly sense, thank God for Heaven), when a relationship ends both people still live. Or at least they try to.
Perhaps this is what makes the concept of "closure" seem so absurd to me. How can you gain closure from something that never really goes away? Is this why we are so desperate to replace the pain with a new obsession? Do we feel that by filling our heart voids with someone new, we can effectively and satisfactorily close out the ex lover because our heart is too full...their place has been taken... there is no room for the past anymore?
I don't believe that for a second.
I think we are made to love too intensely to simply "move on." I think this is why Scripture calls us to guard our hearts so preciously - because God knew. He knew we would love fiercely, as we attempted to act out and make sense of the deep love He has for us. And He knew that because of our humanness, we would not always be successful in these endeavors. Sometimes we would let down our guard too quickly, welcoming another in too deeply, into a space in our hearts that will be forever changed by that love - good, bad, or otherwise.
It's a delicate balance between loving others as Christ loves - selflessly and compassionately - and guarding our tender hearts. I clearly haven't learned how to do it right just yet. But I'm sure as heck trying.
Comments
But, relationship pain is difficult. What is supposed to be so good turns into something that hurts.
It's not easy. And, I'm not sure we're supposed to "get used" to relationship pain. We grieve and mourn, because we cared for the relationship. We miss it.
I'm not sure the pain ever goes completely away. But, it changes. It lessens, it evolves, it shapes us. I've learned a great deal from my past relationship pain.
I don't think the pain is good, or becomes good. But, the Lord brings good from all things for those who love Him. And, you love Him. And, he has promised to bring good from all things... even pain.
LOVE,
DAD