numb
I’m once again reminded of just how precious this life is, and how very quickly it can all change.
Someone I knew from high school recently committed suicide.
The first question people ask when I tell them this is, “Did you know him well?”
My initial response is to think, “Does it matter?!?! Someone DIED. Unnecessarily.”
But if I’m being truthful, which I generally am, then I have to admit that no, I did not know him very well. However, several people who I consider very close and love very dearly DID know him well. And while I mourn his loss for myself, I grieve for their loss as well.
I have not moved from my uncomfortable position at my desk chair since I read the news. I have been sitting here, numb with emotion, fingers poised over the keyboard, waiting for the words to come to me. They haven’t yet. But I couldn’t sit any longer. I needed to type. To express. To feel.
It breaks my heart to hear that anyone could ever feel so much pain; they did not think life was worth living anymore. This kind of hurting is incomprehensible to me. It tears me up inside to know that someone did not realize just how loved and appreciated they were.
Why didn’t he talk to someone?
Why didn’t he reach out for help?
Why didn’t we see his hurting?
Why?
If you are reading this, I want you to read it very VERY carefully: do not EVER doubt your worth on this Earth. You are important and you are loved. And if you ever need someone to remind you of that, call me. Seriously. No one should have to feel that kind of pain. No one should have to feel that kind of hopelessness. No one.
And if you ever suspect that someone you know might be considering ending their own life, or harming themselves in ANY way, say something. So what if you’re wrong? Wouldn’t you rather be wrong than right in this situation anyway?
Say something before it’s too late. Please.
I love you all. Really, I do.
Ben Gerling, you were one of a kind, and you will be sorely missed.
Someone I knew from high school recently committed suicide.
The first question people ask when I tell them this is, “Did you know him well?”
My initial response is to think, “Does it matter?!?! Someone DIED. Unnecessarily.”
But if I’m being truthful, which I generally am, then I have to admit that no, I did not know him very well. However, several people who I consider very close and love very dearly DID know him well. And while I mourn his loss for myself, I grieve for their loss as well.
I have not moved from my uncomfortable position at my desk chair since I read the news. I have been sitting here, numb with emotion, fingers poised over the keyboard, waiting for the words to come to me. They haven’t yet. But I couldn’t sit any longer. I needed to type. To express. To feel.
It breaks my heart to hear that anyone could ever feel so much pain; they did not think life was worth living anymore. This kind of hurting is incomprehensible to me. It tears me up inside to know that someone did not realize just how loved and appreciated they were.
Why didn’t he talk to someone?
Why didn’t he reach out for help?
Why didn’t we see his hurting?
Why?
If you are reading this, I want you to read it very VERY carefully: do not EVER doubt your worth on this Earth. You are important and you are loved. And if you ever need someone to remind you of that, call me. Seriously. No one should have to feel that kind of pain. No one should have to feel that kind of hopelessness. No one.
And if you ever suspect that someone you know might be considering ending their own life, or harming themselves in ANY way, say something. So what if you’re wrong? Wouldn’t you rather be wrong than right in this situation anyway?
Say something before it’s too late. Please.
I love you all. Really, I do.
Ben Gerling, you were one of a kind, and you will be sorely missed.
Comments
It's hard to know how many times your kindness and appreciation to some friend (or stranger?) provides just the boost to self-image and Hope that someone needs to survive despair.
I reflect on the Wilson-Phillips song "Hold On" and wonder how many lives THAT song has saved.
I'm glad you care, that you are not jaded to tragedy.
Heavy sigh.
Hugs, hugs, and more hugs and a generous dose of prayers.
I'm sad that your first blog entry in months had to be for such a sad topic, but so glad you were able to find an outlet for your pain. It is excellently written and thank you for your love.