Grab a Hold of Grace

Remember back in June, when I wrote this post worrying whether or not my whirlwind romance would be strong enough to withstand the distance?  Or how about this one when I was certifiably freaking out about how quickly my life seemed to be slipping away from me? turns out it wasn't...and it was.

That is, my short-lived-but-intense relationship apparently wasn't strong enough to survive state lines (though it somehow miraculously made it through Central and South America?).  And I am now that very girl I was afraid of becoming, who has returned to the US, unemployed, and without a plan.

Oh and to top it allll off, I gave a eulogy at my grandfather's memorial on Wednesday (a completely surreal experience), someone vandalized my car, the bank informed me it will begin automatically withdrawing funds to pay off my student loans in September, and then Ma Nature sent me one final sucker punch to round out what was already turning out to be such a delightful week (if you catch my drift).

Needless to say, I haven't quite felt like myself lately. Actually, that's a gigantic understatement.  The truth is: I've been a pretty epic bitch.  Seriously, I haven't even wanted to be around me lately, so I feel particularly sorry for everyone else who has suffered through my grouchiness as of late.

The good news is: tomorrow is a new day.  The even better news is: I attended church tonight and got a little dose of what I'd like to call "perspective."

The message was on Hebrews 12:1-17.  Running the race of faith.  Pushing through during the "in-between," the despondency, the apathy, the dejection.  Grabbing a hold of grace, so that when the fire of life is lapping at your feet, you resist the urge to quit and crumble and instead respond by standing in awe and worship of a Heavenly Father who loves you enough to purify you.  To make you holy because He is holy.

"12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed."

As my brother in law says, pain is corrective.  But only if we choose to let it be.

Last week, I chose bitterness, and it taught me nothing.

This week, I choose light.

I choose joy.  I choose to ignore my circumstances and instead trust in the loving and faithful God who promises to cause all things to work together for good.  Even during this season of heartache and confusion, His love remains the same.


Natalie, You have always been able to be a shining light to others. Be gentle with yourself and allow some of that light to reflect back on you. I know you feel overwhelmed and frustrated and, as your mom, that is hard to see. I also KNOW you will be writing a post in the near future giving clarity to God's plan and seeing the shadow of the hand of God in your present circumstances.
I love you
Vanessa's Dad said…
What a great choice you have made! JOY! In the midst of... stuff... stuff that does not tend to naturally and easily bring to mind Joy.

You have chosen well, and I am grateful for that. I will sleep better tonight, thanks to your blog.

Carol J. Brown said…
Not only is it a new week, but the whole world is spread out before you, offering boundless opportunities ahead. And you are unencumbered and free to explore them to your heart's content.

Love, Aunt Carol