"Better in darkness just to feel Thy hand..."

We still haven't hired a new Growth Leader.

Most of you have no idea the true weight of those words, but suffice it to say: work had been insane lately.  

I've taken on a temporary extra role during this interim period, and while it has blessed me beyond measure to connect more richly in the lives of these women, it hasn't come without cost.  Either the phone calls pile up and intakes are delayed, but I'm connected to my Family Group...or my focus shifts back to intake and we have a bunch of new and exciting move-ins, but I lose precious relational time with the women I've already brought into the program.

The chaos is clearly evident in my office...
...but what if I took a picture of my heart?

My weariness reflects my spiritual state of unrest. I'm no longer making time to connect to my own spring of Life. Instead I'm failing trying to keep up with human efforts (and an obscene amount of coffee).

The other night, while reading my favorite devotional, I was struck by this simple poem:

"I do not ask my cross to understand,
My way to see - 
Better in darkness just to feel Thy hand,
And follow Thee."

I don't understand why it is taking so long for this position to be filled.  I would be lying if I said I've had perfect peace this entire time that God will bring deliverance and the chaos will subside.  Instead, I had sort of resigned myself into some sad belief that this was just my new normal, and it would always be this way.

But I think it's time I start believing the same truth I share with the women I have the privilege of ministering to: God sees us.  He hasn't forgotten.  We haven't slipped through the cracks.

In fact, if there is anyone who is most fully aware of the needs at my place of employment, it's Him.

I pray that I can just close my eyes to the sense of hopelessness in my surroundings and trust in His leadership.

And in the meantime, I am beyond grateful for these small reminders that - even when I feel like I'm too swamped to connect - I'm still making a difference: