I owe you all an apology.

I feel like my last two entries were a bit negative.

I've felt some serious conviction and realize that I've been a bit prideful lately.

I've been so stuck in my "woe-is-me," pity-party-of-a-student-teaching-experience that I became distracted from some of the truly tremendous things the Lord is doing in my life.

Sure, it's a lot of work. But my experience in this classroom is so much more authentic than any experience I might have gained elsewhere. I'm actually getting to see what it's like to be a real teacher. From balancing lesson plans across content areas to managing 25 rowdy second graders at one time to reading 11824 e-mails a day to communicating with a staff of professionals to writing sub plans, I'm really genuinely understanding the myriad of things that go behind this whole teaching thing.

I'm growing so much as a woman through this experience. I've been tested and I know I will continue to be tested for the rest of the term, but I'm learning. I'm changing, I'm shifting, I'm switching, I'm doing what it takes to make each day BETTER than the day before it.

And can I make a confession here? Sometimes, I feel a bit down and out over the fact that I haven't found someone to love me "forever" yet. Lord knows I've dated enough men to satisfy one lifetime, and yet I haven't found "him" yet. And while I try and stay positive and rest in the comfort that He has a plan for me and it will all be revealed in His timing... I still have my moments of frustration.

But tonight, I had one of those "aha" moments. Do you have any idea how many opportunities I would have passed up if I were already settled down by now? There is no way I would be as dedicated to my schooling and my development as a professional if I had a handsome husband at home to distract me. No way. And what about all the life lessons learned? Poor guy would have been stuck with a younger, more naive woman. Granted, I still have a lot to learn, but I am truly shocked at how much I've changed over the past few years. Some of the events that caused these changes were brutal, painful, and slightly scarring... but in the end, I'm not sure I'd trade them for the world. (okay... maybe I'd trade some of them....)

And what about my beautiful roommates? If I had tied the knot earlier, I never would have experienced living with such fabulous women. They are creative, supportive, hilarious, loyal, faithful, AMAZING friends that challenge and encourage me both in the Lord and in life I'm not sure they even realize how much I look up to them, but seriously ladies, when I look back on my college days, moments with you will be the highlights. While all my friends are incredible, there is just something special about the bond between roommates - past, present, and future.

You know you have an amazing best friend when she's willing to pose with a fish face on her WEDDING DAY.
This is probably my most favorite picture ever. I'm not even kidding you.
There's a bit of a height difference between my current roommates. As always in life, I'm smackdab in the middle.
Remember when our lives weren't completely consumed with teaching? Sigh... the good ole days. :)

Joelle. My hero.


Vanessa's Dad said…
What a sweet, poignant blog entry.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord... plans to give you hope and a future..."
Jeremiah 29:11

I'm glad you recognize all the blessings in your life. For God won't give you more blessings than you can handle (appreciate).

Kendra said…
I can relate on oh-so-many levels.

Both with trying to find the balance between accepting the fact that IS ok to throw yourself a pity-party every once in awhile, and yet it IS required to pick yourself up and look on the bright side.

And also with waiting.

I think about how much of a better, stronger, wiser, more patient mother I will be because of ALL the Lord has allowed me to experience in the last 3 years.

We would settle for so much LESS life experience sometimes, wouldn't we!? I am grateful He wants SO MUCH MORE for me than I do =)

P.S. so excited when Daveyboy told me I get to see you soon!! Even if it may be just for picking you up, holding your hair back, and then making you strong coffee in the morning =)