Things are getting real

Please don't read this post if you don't want to feel sucked into my emotional drama.

Nearly 9 months ago, I sat at a picnic table in my back yard and cried on the phone to my sister.  She was sweetly trying to set me up on a blind date with her friend's brother, and all I could think about was how much I missed him.  How I could never possibly date another man because that man wouldn't be him

A few months later, he knocked on my door with four embarrassingly huge bouquets of flowers and an apology.  So we tried again.

Friday, I sat at that same picnic table.  Alone this time.  Shivering in the sunshine and crying hot, angry tears.  I've known they were coming for quite some time, but I was still shocked to feel how quickly they washed over me.  I was defenseless.

It's not so much that I miss him this time, because I know that we made the right decision.

It's more that I miss us.  Or rather, being a part of an "us."

I'm so terrible at being alone.


BreAnna said…
First off, big huge hugs. All these emotions and the overall struggle are so tough.
I'm confident that there is someone out there perfectly suited for you. You will have an "us" again someday.
I hope your heart heals and you will be able to open yourself to what comes next. I for one look forward to first dates in your awkward & awesome posts. :)
Take care of yourself sweet lady!
Vanessa's Dad said…
You are not alone!

You have such HUGE love ready to share with the right guy. Know the plans He has for you... plans for a hope and a future... and a great guy who will make you smile... make you feel like you've always been together. All in due season. Try not to rush His time.

Until then, cry, if that helps. Better yet, book a trip to Puerta Vallarta. :)

Carol J. Brown said…
It IS hard to give up on the idea of "us", but when it isn't developing into a true "us" because he can only seem to concentrate on "me", it just isn't meant to be. You deserve someone as loving and committed as yourself. This was the right decision.

Love you,
Aunt Carol
Emily said…
I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I pray that Jesus wraps his arms around you and loves on you!