Three hundred sixty six days ago...

...I made the prayerful but tremendously difficult decision to end my relationship with a man I had been (fairly dysfunctionally) involved with for the greater portion of four years. It was easily one of the hardest things I will ever do in my life, and yet my heartbreak was met with such overwhelming peace; I knew it was right.

Yesterday, something happened which had the potential to spiral me into a dark place of sadness, doubt, and preoccupation over my own self-worth. After years of playful avoidance during the boutonniere toss at weddings, countless arguments over future goals, and a general Barney Stinson-esque attitude when it comes to marriage: that man finally proposed to the love of his life...and she sure as heck isn't me.

I doubt anyone would have judged me if I had simply collapsed into a puddle of tears and sobbed over the injustice of it all. Not that I wish I were in her shoes, because I think we can all agree at this point that clearly he and I were not meant to be together, but I mean really: HE's getting married before ME?

However I'm here to report that not only have I remained vertical, but my tear ducts did nothing to damage my precariously applied non-waterproof mascara (it's a new risk I'm trying out in my old age). Rather than allowing myself to succumb to soggy-mess syndrome, I chose this anniversary-of-sorts as an opportunity to reflect on the past year of my life. And while it looked absolutely nothing like I imagined it would, I must say; I'm rather impressed. It's amazing what happens when we lay down our dreams and trust the Author and Perfecter of our faith to take His rightful place in our lives.

In the past 366 days, I:
  • Celebrated my 26th birthday in the hospital parking lot while anxiously awaiting the arrival of my best friend's first baby
  • Graduated with a master's degree 
  • Dressed in spandex and neon and sweated it out with a bunch of other Portland hipsters at 80's night
  • Traveled, by myself, to Peru - a trip which irrefutably transformed my heart for ministry
  • Hiked Machu Picchu
  • Rode a train for the first time
  • Ate - and enjoyed- cow heart and ceviche
  • Balanced a broom at the Oregon Vortex
  • Came thisclose to petting sea lions on the Santa Cruz Boardwalk
  • Read through the entire New Testament in 90 days.
  • Suffered through what was easily the most awkward party of my life with my best friend.
  • Witnessed the mystery of the swifts swirling into the Chimney at Chapman Elementary
  • Moved to Nevada
  • Got a taste of life as a stay-at-home mom
  • Became best-friends with my 5 year old niece
  • Flew back to Portland for a weekend to meet ANGIE SMITH and be inspired at Women of Faith
  • Sang karaoke on The Strip with an Elvis impersonator
  • Volunteered to supervise a group of high school students as they painted fire hydrants and street curbs in an act of service to the city of Las Vegas
  • Welcomed my miraculous nephew into the world
  • Marveled at the natural beauty of the Valley of Fire
  • Enjoyed a myriad of adventures with the twins
  • Survived 9 months of unemployment only to land my first professional social work job in a dream ministry opportunity
  • Moved into the most fun neighborhood I've ever lived in
  • Grew tremendously in my faith
A year ago, my life may have fallen apart just a little bit, but it sure as heck was not over.


Vanessa's Dad said…
I am so grateful for the way your life has turned out.

Casey said…
Simply amazing. What a blessing it is to have you in my life because you are truly such an inspiring and beautiful person. I love you!