The one in which I fail at online dating
Listen here friends….don't try to be coy on eHarmony. Invariably, it will backfire.
Here's my story:
Perfume Guy and I were matched on day one. We went through all the obligatory guided communication steps, and graduated to "eHarmony mail," which means we can message back and forth as we please - just like real adults.
My overanalyzing brain kicked in and I started to panic that things were moving too fast and I was becoming too involved. The only logical solution, of course, was to just sort of fall back a bit and wait a few days before responding and confirming our date. I'm not entirely sure what my rationale was for this, other than perhaps I thought if I didn't respond instantly to his last message it might indicate I have some sort of social life outside of eHarmony?*
I distracted myself in the interim with a group of girlfriends who masterfully crafted an outfit for our previously mentioned unconfirmed date. This greatly bolstered my confidence, and I returned home last night fully prepared to seal the deal.
This is the part where I unfortunately fulfill a blonde stereotype: I sat down to respond to his message, and in my week-and-a-half eHarmony rookie-ness (don't bother looking it up, it's a real term), I inadvertently clicked "block" (which is the button on the right side) instead of "respond" (which is, I now know, the button on the left side).
Turns out, eHarmony takes blocking someone prettttty dang seriously. Naturally, I panicked and instantly attempted to reverse my error, only to discover my efforts were in vain. Apparently there is a whole "investigation" process that must occur before eHarmony will even consider contacting Perfume Guy for me to ask if he's "amicable to reopening communication."** Come on. Homeboy doesn't even know communication was closed in the first place. I literally just dropped off his radar completely unannounced.
I even pulled a Walter Mitty and attempted to call customer service, but to no avail. Alas, my dreams of dating an aromatic genius have been dashed,*** all thanks to my technological ineptitude.
*which we all know I don't, really
**Thanks, eHarmony, for confirming that I apparently still require adult supervision
***or at least temporarily delayed
Here's my story:
Perfume Guy and I were matched on day one. We went through all the obligatory guided communication steps, and graduated to "eHarmony mail," which means we can message back and forth as we please - just like real adults.
My overanalyzing brain kicked in and I started to panic that things were moving too fast and I was becoming too involved. The only logical solution, of course, was to just sort of fall back a bit and wait a few days before responding and confirming our date. I'm not entirely sure what my rationale was for this, other than perhaps I thought if I didn't respond instantly to his last message it might indicate I have some sort of social life outside of eHarmony?*
I distracted myself in the interim with a group of girlfriends who masterfully crafted an outfit for our previously mentioned unconfirmed date. This greatly bolstered my confidence, and I returned home last night fully prepared to seal the deal.
This is the part where I unfortunately fulfill a blonde stereotype: I sat down to respond to his message, and in my week-and-a-half eHarmony rookie-ness (don't bother looking it up, it's a real term), I inadvertently clicked "block" (which is the button on the right side) instead of "respond" (which is, I now know, the button on the left side).
Turns out, eHarmony takes blocking someone prettttty dang seriously. Naturally, I panicked and instantly attempted to reverse my error, only to discover my efforts were in vain. Apparently there is a whole "investigation" process that must occur before eHarmony will even consider contacting Perfume Guy for me to ask if he's "amicable to reopening communication."** Come on. Homeboy doesn't even know communication was closed in the first place. I literally just dropped off his radar completely unannounced.
I even pulled a Walter Mitty and attempted to call customer service, but to no avail. Alas, my dreams of dating an aromatic genius have been dashed,*** all thanks to my technological ineptitude.
*which we all know I don't, really
**Thanks, eHarmony, for confirming that I apparently still require adult supervision
***or at least temporarily delayed
Comments
LOVE, DAD