breaking the silence

I know I've discussed my faith in small doses on this blog.

I've even mustered the courage to be honest about my heartbreak a time or two.

But for years now I've been sitting on one particular blog entry that I just could never bring myself to post.

Even still, I'm on the verge of chickening out. I tell myself: I'll disable the comments.  Then I don't have to know what anyone is thinking.

But the thing is, most of you have my phone number and my physical address.  At the very least you know how to reach me via e-mail.  And that's because you know me in real life.  Not just in blog life.

In blog life, it's easier to be honest.  I read the raw confessions of strangers and I am amazed and moved by their courage.  I know their stories have an impact.  I also don't know them beyond the screen where their stories come to life. My opinions of these bloggers remain the same because they are rooted in the very lives they portray to the world wide web.

For many of you, your opinions of me were formed outside these words I type.  You know me in action.  Some of you have known me longer than I've ever known myself (yes, it is possible - this blog was started primarily for my family, after all).

And so now, I'm not merely writing about my faith but demonstrating it.  My God promises He has redeemed all situations.  He never intended for me to make many of the decisions I've made in my life, yet He is able to turn all of them around for His glory, so long as I allow Him.

Tomorrow, I will post the entry I've been keeping secret from many of you for years.  It may change your opinion of me.  It may not.  In any case, I've finally come to the realization that this isn't a subject we talk freely enough about and that the very lack of free speech is partially what got me into my situation to begin with.

I wish someone had told me.


Carol J. Brown said…
Well, you certainly have my attention.
Natalie. It won't matter WHAT you post. Know that it will never change my unending love for you and how proud I am to be your mother.